Over a period of time I have
carried a self-image that I am not very religious, though during school/college
days I used to daily offer my prayers.
But this was also driven by the
fact that mom always has offered pujas daily at home. Sister and I grew up
expecting and looking forward to the scents of the incense sticks, the ringing
of the puja bell, and the taste of ‘Kola’ (Banana) and ‘Batasha’ (a
concentrated sugar sweet-cake).
But over last 6-7 years, this
habit of mine started fading.
About 2 years back, I remember
this period when I used to hear Akshat/Jaison/others in Danceworx saying ‘Try
being in the zone. Pack your worldly worries (from school/college/work) in a
bag and leave this bag outside the class
when you come in. You can pick up the bag again when you leave class.’ What they said resonated with me. I used to
find it difficult to switch off from work during weekday evening classes. So I used to be ‘there’ in dance class, but
not be ‘there’.
On a certain Wednesday in 2009, I
had a class at 6:15 p.m. I had had a tiring day at work – and mentally was
fatigued. While walking towards class, I stopped by at the nearby St. Peter’s
Church (Bandra, Hill Road)– I am still not sure why i stopped but I did. I sat inside the
church for about 10 minutes with my eyes closed. I felt less heavy as minutes
passed by, and more ‘with myself’. I left the church feeling more ‘zoned in’.
Over next few months, I would
drop in to St. Peter’s church at times. Every time I had this sensation of
becoming more ‘zoned in’ and ‘with myself’.
I have started following a
routine, over last few months, on
Saturdays. Megha and I walk up to Mount Mary Church, sit inside the church for some 5-10 minutes,
and offer our prayers. We then walk up to Mother Mary’s statue opposite the
church. I again offer prayers to Mother
Mary and then do a very Hindu thing – extend my hands out to the lit up candles
and then touch my head with my palms. I repeat this routine 3 times.
I have started looking forward to
this ‘Saturday walk/ritual’. I have been wondering ‘Why?’!
While I was growing up, I used to
look forward to offering prayers as it gave me confidence that someone’s there
to make things right for me.
Over last few years, I feel more
with myself everytime I visit a church or temple. I start becoming aware of sensation of my
breath, beating of my heart, warmth I experience from candles, and movement of
my hair thanks to the occasional breeze.
I value this experience. I feel
more ‘centered‘ and ‘grounded’ every time, by the time I am back home after
‘Saturday walk’.
I wonder ‘Why can’t I experience
this feeling of being centered and grounded everyday?’.
-
Sourav
